remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
