Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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