You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
