And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize