did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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