Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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