Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
