You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
