So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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