yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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