Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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