I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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