Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ketchup is God's man juice
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
