Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
