he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
