The maid of honor just puked.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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