maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
