People with herpes should wear stickers.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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