We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
