You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
