he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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