does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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