yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
