Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
