She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
should my penis look like a turkey
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
