I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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