I want you more than these girls want KFC
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
