everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
