Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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