shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
