so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
