I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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