I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
