So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
