I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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