I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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