At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
