We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
