I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
