WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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