dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
