we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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