he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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