I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
