there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
