Porn is love you can see.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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