Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
