Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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