If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
