I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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