I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
