i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
