If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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