Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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