Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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