xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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