Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
