my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
