I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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