I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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