I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
