i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
