broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drake has all the answers
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
