he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize