I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
