Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
