I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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