I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
