This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
