Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize