Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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