Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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