hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The best revenge is premature balding
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
