ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
