The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
